You may
feel quite shaken up in your view of the human race. Any woman who suffers
serious mistreatment from a partner she had loved and trusted struggles with
feelings of betrayal. And betrayal can
knock you off your foundation at a core level, so that:
·
the world starts to feel like an unsafe
place.
·
everyone’s motives start to be suspect
·
you start to question your sense of what is
real
If your partner
were terrible all the time, it would actually be easier to deal with in many
ways; you would tell yourself, “Well, he turned out to be a jerk.” But when
someone you love goes back and forth between kindness and cruelty,
generosity and selfishness, tenderness and intimidation, loving you and
cheating on you, you can come to feel that it’s impossible to understand
people. Your feelings for the primary person in your life tend to carry over
into how you view everyone.
Your
partner may further feed the problem by encouraging you to think badly of
others. He may tell you that people are lying to you or taking advantage of
you; that your friends have hidden motives; that you are naïve in your dealings
with people; that “everyone is just out for themselves.” He’s talking about
himself, though he probably doesn’t know it.
And
yes, there are sharks out there. But the world is also full of so many
thoughtful, caring, honest individuals. Most people don’t use other people, or trick them, or threaten them. In fact,
most people are doing their best to live ethical lives and to be decent and
responsible for other people.
So
don’t let your partner (or ex-partner) distort your outlook on your species. Look for the good
in people, and notice their efforts to make human connection. Be smart, yes,
but don’t harden your heart. You will find many gems in the human race.
“I will stay open to
people and give them a chance. I’m keeping my heart alive.”