The title of today’s second post may seem
odd to you. If you have children, you’re probably thinking, “Of course I’m
their mother. What’s up with that?”
In the rush of daily responsibilities and challenges—especially when you are in a relationship with someone whose behavior is a huge problem some days—it’s possible to forget just how important you are to your children.
Biology is not the issue here; in fact, some of you
are raising children you didn’t give birth to. Motherhood is about so much more
than giving birth or breastfeeding, as powerful and profound as those are. As
your children’s mother, you are their protector, their moral compass and
teacher, their key source of love and affection and nurturing, their refuge,
their source of faith.
You might ask, “Isn’t their father supposed to be
these things too?” Yes, although even the best father can’t be exactly what a
mother is. But if your partner is struggling with addiction, is deeply selfish,
or is abusive to you, he can’t even begin to be what the children need him to
be. So your role as a mother grows even bigger.
The bitter irony here is that many destructive men
attack a woman’s sense of her value as a mother. Your partner may say that he
knows better than you do what the right way is to raise children, . He may even
try to convince you that there is something toxic about you that your children
are in danger of catching, and use that as an excuse to take away your
parenting decisions and rights.
So when you say to yourself, “I am the children’s
mother,” you are making a profound statement that is not about being their
biological or legal parent. You are stating how absolutely critical your role is in who they are and who they will become, and how
inalienable your right is to guide them and love them. Your children are
looking to you.