tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240705243908950796.post5380422576984602414..comments2022-12-20T07:32:13.068-08:00Comments on Healing and Hope: BREAKING ISOLATIONLundy Bancrofthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18047691631730498583noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240705243908950796.post-33441691162910770792014-03-22T09:48:53.369-07:002014-03-22T09:48:53.369-07:00To me it was just a smile, such a little thing,i d...To me it was just a smile, such a little thing,i decided when i picked up the kids from school that day that i would lift up my head and smile at the other Mums,it took me days to pluck up the courage, as someone walked past i chickened out...after four days i did it,it changed so much,i started to make friends, went out with them,i was having conversations with adults! for the first time in months!! i was alone with my five children after finally making the Abuser leave...he was gone but the words remain...usesless, good for nothing..ugly..no one else would have you...the old saying 'sticks and stones will break your bones, but words will never hurt you ' is a Lie, bruises,and bones Heal, words last for ever,when we lie awake at night, they come back....In the end i knew i was still allowing him to control me....so i smiled at every peron i saw, just smiled!!.....my life and other craphttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16956440250724218841noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240705243908950796.post-54354956120129568462013-06-13T17:45:42.222-07:002013-06-13T17:45:42.222-07:00My daughter had miscarriage and the spouse is an a...My daughter had miscarriage and the spouse is an alcoholic and suffers from mental disorder my daughter told me today not to talk to her and she needs to focus on himAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240705243908950796.post-47978599728222445442013-05-15T17:57:33.414-07:002013-05-15T17:57:33.414-07:00Thank you. The hardest part is now, getting my lif...Thank you. The hardest part is now, getting my life back. I feel such a void without him around. It's tempting every moment to go back with him. I am lucky to have support, and I was with him for not as long as his ex was. I feel so bad for her, she was with him for over 10 years. She had no support. I wish they had your book in Russian, Arabic and other languages. Thank you for your great humanitarian work. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240705243908950796.post-63022587596667219282011-11-20T07:42:34.198-08:002011-11-20T07:42:34.198-08:00Perhaps someday you and Diane Wetendorf will put o...Perhaps someday you and Diane Wetendorf will put on a conference or training together? It could change the world.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240705243908950796.post-18995437259515635412011-11-17T12:09:29.588-08:002011-11-17T12:09:29.588-08:00I am the senior pastor of a church in the Boston a...I am the senior pastor of a church in the Boston area. I read "Why Does He Do That" almost a year ago and was greatly blessed by your insight into the problem of abuse and domestic violence. I especially appreciated the insight that domestic violence is more of a "thinking problem" than an "anger problem". Your book contains two very powerful illustrations of this concept that I find myself referring back to again and again:<br /><br />In "Chapter 13: The Making Of An Abusive Man" (page 317) you present the parable of the "boy who grew up with a happy dream . . . that a beautiful piece of land out on the edge of town was in trust for him."<br /><br />In "Chapter 14: The Process Of Change" (page 334) you present the parable of the man who cut down his neighbors' tree.<br /><br />I have looked for the text of these two very powerful illustrations online, but have not been able to find them. Are they available on a web page anywhere? Is there any video available of you presenting these illustrations? If not, would you consider making them available online? I have used the second illustration in one of my sermons and I would find it very helpful to be able to link to an online version from our web site. Your book is already on our recommended reading list for abuse.<br /><br />Sincerely,<br />Rocklyn E. Clarke Sr.<br />Senior Pastor<br />Life Church Boston<br />http://www.lifechurchboston.org/Rocklyn Clarkehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09273899352110386257noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240705243908950796.post-72284387919434766702011-10-28T06:50:02.150-07:002011-10-28T06:50:02.150-07:00I agree with Anonymous. Unfortunately, everything ...I agree with Anonymous. Unfortunately, everything I did made me a sitting target. We married young, because I was told by my church community that there was no sense in waiting, especially because the male couldn't wait to have sex and sex before marriage was prohibited. We had children quite early, and didn't stop having them. I didn't work, as mothers were encouraged to stay at home to raise the kids and not join the feminists' chorus to rebel and work outside the home. We were told not only to never consider a pre-nup, because that was planning an exit, we were also told to NEVER use the word divorce or consider divorcing. What a recipe for disaster when you have a domineering tyrant as a husband. <br /><br />It's not that the message to honor marriages should be watered down; it's that it should not be honored at ALL costs, and the rules of engagement/communication for a normal marriage DO NOT apply in an abusive one. There must be a recognition in the church, and in society in general, that where an abusive person is involved, human lives are systematically destroyed and lives should be rescued from these marriages. Instead, these women are constantly exposed to more danger, not just from the marital partner, but also from the community that is supposed to support them. That's how I got to be isolated, even when immersed in a community.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240705243908950796.post-75428520000472086142011-10-27T20:03:05.845-07:002011-10-27T20:03:05.845-07:00I am so greatful to see some awareness being broug...I am so greatful to see some awareness being brought to light on this subject. I have had my own hellish experience with a domestic violence judge. I realized I never want to be at the mercy of another single human being with that much power over my life again. <br /><br />I chose to go back into the abuse for a while (with lots of boundaries)to protect my children and to plan a better escape. I don't advise this of course. In my case my husband had never actually hit me, but he was very abusive verbaly and emotionaly, financialy and mentaly.<br /><br /> He had used mental isolation for so long I got to the point that in my own home talking to a friend on the phone with him not even home I would whisper and check constantly for him.<br /><br />Freedom can be had from this disease. I believe I am breaking the cycle in this generation. I pray for support to be gathered from every side for women who suffer this tragedy.<br /><br />I was homeless twice during the past 4 yrs with my husband making a 6 figure salary once with all 4 kids in my custody and myself with work restrictions unable to support them.If it weren't for many miracles and lots of help from the support team of people that I empowered myself with I wouldn't be where I am today nor would my children be mostly out of harms way.<br /><br />The courts do not seem pay attention to the gray in DV cases not unless there is evidence and alot of $ to prove it.At least that was my experience.<br /><br />I thank you again for the work you are doing and am Praying for Wendy G.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240705243908950796.post-45790006260193030262011-10-06T19:12:32.780-07:002011-10-06T19:12:32.780-07:00It's so helpful to have words to describe the ...It's so helpful to have words to describe the 'strange, common yet unnameable' ways an abuser's grip takes hold over one's life, one's sense of self, one's relationship with one's children, family and friends. Mine seemed to win at every corner, then our son died in a tragic accident, after I hadn't seen him for 2 years and couldn't get him real counseling about the abuse and drugs my former husband was using for decades....and still no one wants to explore the risks my other children face. But I am empowered to have met Lundy, Janice and so many others, and realize this is the war we fight for our children and ourselves. We all suffer the wounds of each family, and realize the 'real world' of judges, schools, churches and the media and communities need to Wake Up to this travesty, educate women, children and men early on...and help break the cycle on every level. I was isolated, but I'm not so late in learning that I can't make a difference, in memory of my heroic son but also in hopes of safe reconnection with my children and even someday, amends from my former husband and his many supporters...I hope they will do better when they know better and will help turn the tides of arrogance and ignorance and wrongdoing. Don't give up hope for US-All, we need each other to all do the next right thing, not rush into legal marriages, serious relationships and having children too early (I say wait until 25 if possible, with some real support and money saved ideally) and then if you're still really wanting to be together get more legal a decade later, with good pre-nups including custody with a safe mother.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240705243908950796.post-57513870581861866142011-10-03T17:50:02.169-07:002011-10-03T17:50:02.169-07:00Thank you sir for this.Thank you sir for this.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com