tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240705243908950796.post7865940612368125547..comments2022-12-20T07:32:13.068-08:00Comments on Healing and Hope: A POWERFUL KEY TO HEALING FROM TRAUMALundy Bancrofthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18047691631730498583noreply@blogger.comBlogger38125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240705243908950796.post-76339339579695253242018-05-13T08:07:43.797-07:002018-05-13T08:07:43.797-07:00Thanks a ton for the wonderfully healing article. ...Thanks a ton for the wonderfully healing article. With a dark childhood and failed relationships, I cry really hard. However, since everyone thought that I am weak because I cry, I stopped crying for a few years..and developed several nervous ailments that complemented my physical ailments owing to injuries. However, of late I have returned to my natural healing process, and I find myself much more confident about the person that I am. Crying definitely heals. However sometimes there is self doubt, and your article is just awesome for those moments of doubt..theindisociologisthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03843650877018058715noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240705243908950796.post-18509485026172299942018-03-30T12:28:04.564-07:002018-03-30T12:28:04.564-07:00Did you write more about this like you mentioned y...Did you write more about this like you mentioned you would in the article? I believe in the healing power of crying and have encouraged people to cry so I would like to know more about people who say they feel worse after crying (I recently had someone say this to me and I asked if it was because she truly welcomed the crying or if she was fighting it the whole time). I also want to develop a way to enter into deep crying intentionally with the hope that setting a time to cleanse will allow greater freedom and restraint in times when I need to restrain crying - like while leading a memorial service. Deanna Hollashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11710365998844121752noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240705243908950796.post-13083353793055037622017-08-26T14:30:56.245-07:002017-08-26T14:30:56.245-07:00I've cried more over the past few months, sinc...I've cried more over the past few months, since realizing my 30 year marriage was an abusive sham, than I have in the last ten years. I shutdown so completely that I felt dead inside. Of course, there were some tears in that time period (my mom died, my dog died), but nothing like what I'm going through now. I sometimes start crying for no obvious reason, as in there's no direct catalyst or immediate/recent trauma to point toward. I cry over all the love and time I wasted on a man who cannot truly love in return. I cry about the damage done to me that I didn't ask for or deserve. I cry about the damage done to my adult son. I cry about the physical disabilities the stress caused me and the career I loved and lost because of it. It's all about the losses. <br />It's encouraging to know there is a purpose in this behavior, that it's part of the healing process. I cry alone because I have no one to turn to at these times. My family is far away and my only friend just doesn't get it. She thinks I share the blame for the abuse. When I told her about it, she kept asking, "Well, what did you do to him?" When I asked her if I was covered in bruises if that would help her see my plight, she said, "I don't know, if you hit him, then probably not." How cruel is that? She calls to check on me sometimes, but I've become detached from her and don't want to spend time with her much any more. Another loss to deal with because of the narc bastard who saw my empathetic, trusting nature as a terrific source of supply. And, I was, for way too long.<br />I cry out of loneliness. I cry about how close I came to pulling the trigger of the gun I held to my chest last fall because I just couldn't bear the thought of living another day. I cry in anger over what this man, whom I gave ALL my love to, did to me. I cry about the long term effects of his emotional abuse on my future, once I am free from him. I just cry, cry cry and cry some more. With all the crying I've been doing, I should be healed by now! But, I'm not, and I know there's a lot more crying ahead of me. I am getting counseling at a women's crisis center. <br />It helps to have a name for the torture I've endured. I mistakenly thought to be abuse it had to be physical. I just didn't realize it, despite the fact I'm a registered nurse and should have recognized it long ago. It truly is like coming out of a fog into glaring spotlight of knowledge/understanding. I think I'll go have another cry now. Keep trying and keep crying.Alisonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01409261916319320913noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240705243908950796.post-21309604930685169032017-06-19T08:35:02.272-07:002017-06-19T08:35:02.272-07:00I NEED TO CRY BUT I CAN'T. I HAVE A LIFETIME O...I NEED TO CRY BUT I CAN'T. I HAVE A LIFETIME OF GRIEF STORED UP INSIDE OF MY DYING TO GET OUT. I FEEL LIKE I'M GOING TO EXPLODE IF I DON'T CRY IT OUT. HOW DO I GET IT OUT??? Khttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14485296397549382449noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240705243908950796.post-38623321727279307502017-05-01T11:09:34.602-07:002017-05-01T11:09:34.602-07:00healing
Your blog is really cool and this is a gre...<a href="http://www.soulalivebarrie.com/blog" rel="nofollow">healing</a><br />Your blog is really cool and this is a great inspiring article.naveedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07158032062765868232noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240705243908950796.post-77916741791622431572014-05-17T17:09:45.214-07:002014-05-17T17:09:45.214-07:00Thank you so much. I noticed that deep crying can...Thank you so much. I noticed that deep crying can help me get over a positive relationship I had with my first love that will never be rekindled because he is deceased. Ithought I would never get over it because it has been 23 years but today I cried as Deeply as I have been crying in my healing from child abuse and neglect and today the sadness wasn't there when I thought of him after I cried. I never read any of your books; I found this website by googling "when you can't stop crying". I healed so deeply after this cry and felt so supported after reading your post. Thank you<3.tatianahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05849898534747393783noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240705243908950796.post-31520651900262419712013-08-03T04:59:27.420-07:002013-08-03T04:59:27.420-07:00Thank you and thank you for your response. I will...Thank you and thank you for your response. I will try to attend one of these. Money's tight, but perhaps someday.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240705243908950796.post-1573209927624899882013-08-01T14:10:48.099-07:002013-08-01T14:10:48.099-07:00Dear Anonymous, only YOU will know when you have ...Dear Anonymous, only YOU will know when you have cried enough times and enough tears for it to release the grief that you have carried inside for so long. I know because I have "been there, done that" ! And believe me i get it that I will never really "be done" with it. The pain and grief gets buried very deep inside when we live for many years in an abusive situation . We do that to protect ourselves, all the while being so confused that we are having to do that......after all isn't this my husband who professed (and maybe still does ) to love me so dearly ???!!!! Please continue to seek and find your own healing paths. Embrace your Goddess SELF !! Look in the mirror everyday and look deep into your own eyes and say " I love YOU " !! until you truly feel it ! If you have never heard of Louise Hay, please google her and Hay House. Great resources for healing. Save your pennies, find more little jobs to pay you until you are able to attend one of Lundy's The Life that Awaits YOU week-end retreats ! After all......haven't you waited long enuf ?? A few "friend" tried to tell me that i "shouldn't be" spending the money when i did that a few years ago......in the midst of my divorce. I AM SO SO GLAD i didn't listen to any of that talk and listened to my own heart instead. It was/is a priceless experience. I carry it all in my heart and soul still and know i always will. And by the way......there are others out there who will cry with you, hold you while you cry and let you know they DO understand. Believe it !! YOU are a beautiful woman and you deserve to be treated like a princess ! Your children will grow up and know the truth in time. HUGS ! Beach Dancerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02056495367770279305noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240705243908950796.post-73005457459320320612013-07-24T07:13:09.504-07:002013-07-24T07:13:09.504-07:00When I get a trite response from someone when I te...When I get a trite response from someone when I tell them this story like "what a jerk" "isn't it good he's gone now" or a "he wasn't taking responsibility.".....all of which are true, it doesn't help because it doesn't reach the depth of pain which almost became physical, like someone's fist clenched around your heart. I swear it felt like my heart was going to explode when this would happen....my chest tightens as I type this.... I really need to talk to a physical human being who has experienced a hurt like this...who can understand it ...who could put their arm over my shoulder and weep with me and KNOW! I don't think I will find a person like this. Can EMDR help?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240705243908950796.post-37231991890521052632013-07-24T07:01:20.022-07:002013-07-24T07:01:20.022-07:00When "Mr. Nice" came back into the pictu...When "Mr. Nice" came back into the picture the next day, all I could see from then on in was "Mr. Cry Bitch Cry" and that began a journey to the end. And I told him that was all I could see now was "Mr. Cry Bitch Cry" Of course there was no guilt, no apology following my words. All he wanted to know from me was "Why I wanted to hurt him?" purportedly for reminding him of his bad behavior I guess, for which he chose to blame me instead of feeling any remorse. There were other things going on that were just as bad, but I could not sleep with him anymore and slept on the couch. <br /><br />The soulless, heartless "Mr. Cry Bitch Cry." How could I continue to be with him? I cry as I write this, as a divorced woman, with no one left here to taunt me and hurt me for my tears... And the Promise-Keepers T-Shirt man has moved in with the secretary that he began a relationship with before our divorce was even filed (his second affair). I am sure, like me, she believes he is so charming and perfect with his raves about how beautiful his children are, and how he wants to be "a little man" to her and so non-threatening, and his "thank you, thank you" for having sex with me stuff.... but I wonder what he will do when she cries?<br /><br />I have no idea what causes this. Ms. Patricia Evans says that ridiculing boys for crying is the beginning of a trying or training of boys to disconnect from their feelings, supposedly to make them strong. I don't think it makes them strong. But I bet he would say this never happened to him. <br /><br />I have the freedom to cry now, now that I am truly alone. But, really I was alone with an abuser then. My family and friends don't get it. They all think I should be happy now, it's over, move on, don't cry anymore.... but now I cry for all the times that that compassion was stripped from me... I wish they understood and would not try to cheer me up or tell me not to cry. I try not to cry in front of my girls... when Dad is so fun... why would they want to be with this sad woman. Of course he would capitalize on that..."Is Mom crying again?" <br /><br />Thank you for your post Mr. Lundy. I needed to hear this.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240705243908950796.post-39880229830769079512013-07-24T07:00:09.291-07:002013-07-24T07:00:09.291-07:00I actually went down the basement to do laundry so...I actually went down the basement to do laundry so he couldn't see me cry.... and he followed me down there and started with the "What are you going to do, cry now?" stuff and said "Cry Bitch Cry...." It hurt me so bad that I thought I would die. Instead of it turning to anger at how hurtful he was, I just looked up at him in and said "You must be some kind of monster. You're a monster." I swear it was like looking into the face of Satan himself. <br /><br />This truly is the face of evil...the absence of any empathy for the pain they have caused you. And when you face them with their behavior, they claim that you are trying to hurt them!!!!<br /><br />This man had stripped me of my tears with his taunting. He had taken from me the right to feel compassion from the one who was supposed to love me....and where there should have been compassion and love, and understanding from someone you were married to, who stood before a righteous God and promised to honor and protect you, who was supposed to care about your welfare as much as his own....instead there was this evil, gloating face, taking pleasure in the pain they had caused you and trying to do you in for good, to murder your very spirit and soul itself, by refusing their compassion. <br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240705243908950796.post-835971153262304092013-07-24T06:58:56.886-07:002013-07-24T06:58:56.886-07:00One of THE most devastating aspects of my abusive ...One of THE most devastating aspects of my abusive relationship is that I was mocked and ridiculed when I cried. My abuser was generally the passive type that "never would do anything" to hurt anyone, who smiled and played with his children, and proudly wore his "Promise Keepers" t-shirt to work, and said grace before dinner, but YET when he would hurt me, and I would cry....he would taunt me and say "What are you going to do, cry now?" "I wish I could cry?" "Women cry, to get their way..." Etc.. on and on until the tears would turn to a kind of quiet hate for him. I learned to hold the tears until he was out of the house. What was especially hurtful was in quiet times, before I understood that he was an abuser, I would tell him how much this taunting hurt me.....and still I would find, the next time, he would do the same thing again. The last time he did this to me was before our divorce, I was crying because I was trying so hard to pay off the bills without having to pay extra finance charges or penalties and had $200 to spend on my girls for Christmas and was trying so hard to get the best deals and spend it the most wisely and he kept calling me on the cell. I didn't answer because I knew he would be telling that I needed to come home and not be out shopping after work.....and I knew I needed to be out there looking and trying to get done. When he became angry with me when I got home for being "so heartless" for not answering the phone that he in his great generosity had "purchased for me" so that we could be in contact. As I began explaining why I didn't answer because I was trying so hard to do the best I could with so little money (which of course was due to his avoidance of certain bills), and I knew that he would argue with me to come home, because "I would have time to do all that later..." blah, blah blah, and that I was trying to do such a good job with the money that was left (after having paid off his local taxes which he refused to pay, after we had received a notice that if it went to the magistrate it would cost another $2K), and that it was stressful and it seemed like he didn't care about it at all, and as I was saying all of this I started crying. <br /><br /> Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240705243908950796.post-40588216876954404032013-06-14T00:49:52.826-07:002013-06-14T00:49:52.826-07:00I had gone numb in my abusive relationship. I stop...I had gone numb in my abusive relationship. I stopped crying. I stopped feeling. Every feeling I had got pushed down into the abyss. I just recently left him. And I'm just starting to lightly cry pretty much about everything. I remember my deep cries. I felt so good, so refreshed after a deep, long cry. My soul was cleansed with the tears. I wasn't sick and tired all the time. Because I stuffed my emotions deep down when I was with him, I've been very sick. Hospitalized several times, twice I almost passed on. Now, with things changing in my life I hope to cry, deeply, once again. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240705243908950796.post-5919815398900056592012-11-01T18:45:13.424-07:002012-11-01T18:45:13.424-07:00Please continue this series! I know you are very ...Please continue this series! I know you are very busy but the topics you listed are ones that I need to know about. Why can't I cry?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240705243908950796.post-71158713745638645602012-07-24T18:40:33.260-07:002012-07-24T18:40:33.260-07:00in reply to "anonymous" about the earthq...in reply to "anonymous" about the earthquakes.... as we learned from Lundy releasing the pain and the trauma from any event thru deep and long sustained crying is a wonderful way to "get past" any trauma. It is definitely not "weakness" ! ! I am in the process of working thru a very deep grieving, having had to say "farewell" to the Love of My Life just a few short months ago in September. There have been several times since then that i have allowed myself to cry deeply. One particular day i labeled it "the 5 hankie cry day" ! I used my Dave's big cotton handkerchiefs and soaked each one, before grabbing another. When i had released all those tears, I got a big drink of water, washed my face and lay down for a very long nap. Felt much better after that. Still have some times when the tears get triggered and i do my best to find a way to release them, when and where appropriate. I believe we do a great disservice to our children not to teach them to release pain thru deep crying. I would think that doing that with your children would bring you all much needed healing. I have definitely learned that one must work thru any process of healing......not think that we must get past it or let it go. It is hard work, and well worth the work. <br />Blessings to you and your children.Beach Dancerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02056495367770279305noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240705243908950796.post-18542508660491730072012-07-23T03:08:36.189-07:002012-07-23T03:08:36.189-07:00Hi there, I am not sure how to start this but I wa...Hi there, I am not sure how to start this but I was traumatised by the September 2010 and even more so by the February 2011 Earthquakes in Christchurch. I spent two hours of that fateful day trying to run to my two children aged 2 at the time who were at preschool that day. At the time I was running to them I had no idea if they were alive or dead but adrenaline and hope kept me going. When I finally got to them and found them playing in the sandpit I was so overcome with relief I dropped to the ground and burst into tears. We moved to another city as our home had been condemned and I am a solo mum so I moved up by my family. Over the following months I worked through my childrens trauma (screaming in the night, temper tantrums plus much more) and attended a victim support group, but unfortunately the government decided to stop the funding for the support group and we were left high and dry so to speak. I am now finding that if I get stressed it triggers memories of the day and I start crying. I also cry when I get really angry and its frustrating as it feels like I'm being weak so I stop myself. The other night we had an earthquake and once I calmed the children down and they had gone back to sleep, the memories came flooding back and I was once again crying. I also now look at buildings or tunnels basically any type of structure to see how safe it is. I feel like I'm going insane :( I really don't have any idea how to get past this.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240705243908950796.post-17626934860283991022012-05-23T02:02:44.428-07:002012-05-23T02:02:44.428-07:00Lundy, you said you were going to write more post ...Lundy, you said you were going to write more post about crying. I've looked, but can't see any? Am I missing something? Or are they still to come?Barbara Robertshttp://www.notunderbondage.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240705243908950796.post-31840921497164523642012-05-23T01:58:25.035-07:002012-05-23T01:58:25.035-07:00When my first abusive marriage ended and I was hea...When my first abusive marriage ended and I was heavily judged by people close to me who misread the situation and saw me as the one at fault, I had a sense that there was a deep, gut-wrenching cry in my belly. The cry sat there, un-cried, for many years. I did weep, sure, but not the gut-wrenching one, only lesser ones. I felt so angry and slighted by the secondary abuse from bystanders, that I couldn't process the deep wound properly. It was like there was a log jam. <br /><br />I don't know how it happened but this sense of a deep-belly-cry-wanting-to-come-out eventually disappeared. I think part of it went when I had an insight into the passage in the Old Testament which talks about how, when there has been a capital crime, and the report has been heard and assessed by the judges and the criminal sentenced for execution by community stoning, the persons who reported the crime are to be the ones who cast the first stone.<br /><br />Somehow, this passage said to me, "God understands your anger, your need for justice, your need for vindication. And vindication is not the same as vengeance. Vengeance is when the victim personally gets back at their assailant; vindication is when the community says to the victim 'Yes, this was a crime; you were horribly mistreated; we as a Community agree that the offender must be punished.' When the community gives the victim the right to cast the first stone, and then they pick up stones themselves to finish the execution, they are saying to the victim that she is not guilty, and they totally agree that the offender deserves execution. <br /><br />Now don't get me wrong: I'm not arguing for capital punishment today. But I am saying that I found it comforting that the Bible shows that God understands the feelings of the victim, and calls for justice for the perpetrator. Somehow, this insight de-compressed that bubble of crying (festering boil?) in my gut.Barbara Robertshttp://www.notunderbondage.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240705243908950796.post-19803382655911188452012-05-03T14:57:12.551-07:002012-05-03T14:57:12.551-07:00Having gone through the death of my husband AND af...Having gone through the death of my husband AND after that being in an abusive relationship for years...which I have just ended.....talk about trauma bonding....I know for a fact you are right Lundy......crying helps alot.Sunshinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04010080009603130672noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240705243908950796.post-15126526221950202412012-05-02T20:13:07.552-07:002012-05-02T20:13:07.552-07:00Lundy I just want to say that I am so thankful for...Lundy I just want to say that I am so thankful for you, your books, and in general your wisdom and support of all who are oppressed in this world. You may not want to hear this, but you are one of my heroes. Thank you!Pamnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240705243908950796.post-39707674397521682762012-03-24T10:41:36.970-07:002012-03-24T10:41:36.970-07:00To Kathy (and others like you), I am so sorry for ...To Kathy (and others like you), I am so sorry for what you are dealing with. There is no greater pain for a mother than not being able to be with and care for and protect your child. My abusive ex husband is gradually but surely chipping away at me through the family court system and is on a mission to ultimately take my child away from me as well. If nothing changes in the way family courts in this country deal with Domestic Violence in custody cases then he will likely succeed in the near future. I too have wondered if I will die of heartache. I pray for you and all mothers who are affected by this. I pray for change and awareness. I am One Mom on a Mission for Change. God Bless You.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240705243908950796.post-55178110528987573422012-03-13T07:58:43.114-07:002012-03-13T07:58:43.114-07:00This message is in response to Kathy, and will hop...This message is in response to Kathy, and will hopefully be helpful to all who read it. Please find via PBS tv Dr. Wayne Dyer's latest program : Wishes Fullfilled and listen and absorb it as many times as it takes. I have read and listened to this marvelous teacher for many years and am still working at putting the methods into practice. As he says and teaches : "when you believe it, you will see it". There is currently a situation re: grandchidren and a daughter in my life that very challenging. I am really working at seeing it resolved in a healthy and life-giving joyfull way. Thanks to Dr. Wayne Dyer and his teachings I am doing better with this now. Know it is time for me to claim this. Hugs & Blessings to all who read this. from a Joyfilled Beach Dancer !!Beach Dancerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02056495367770279305noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240705243908950796.post-16623801271137469932012-03-12T10:56:45.447-07:002012-03-12T10:56:45.447-07:00I wish I had a story of transformation to share. ...I wish I had a story of transformation to share. I used to be numb as a way of coping and putting abuse into perspective. This allowed me to survive. Now my worst nightmare has come true: My former abuser won custody of my son and moved him across the country. I am an incredibly strong woman, but this has brought me to my knees. It's only been a few months, but losing contact with your child is heartwrenching and now my son is being alienated from me. I cry and I wonder at times why I don't die from heartbreak. I cry and the world is the same. I cry and I live to work another day, to support my son, to meet the needs of others and to finally try to find something for myself.<br /><br />I am well over the abuse - who cares anymore - but this unbearable pain of being separated from my son is slowly killing me.Kathyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04647333329552959333noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240705243908950796.post-8213564535805436792012-02-11T12:14:10.960-08:002012-02-11T12:14:10.960-08:00I have been divorced from the ex-abuser for 3 1/2 ...I have been divorced from the ex-abuser for 3 1/2 years. Still waiting to cry...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240705243908950796.post-68460933730567479642012-02-09T08:36:17.602-08:002012-02-09T08:36:17.602-08:00In order to support your daughter I would recommen...In order to support your daughter I would recommend reading the book Helping Her Get Free by Susan Brewster. It's what I've been using to support my friend and it's made a world of difference. The book walks you through how to be an 'anchor' for the person in the abusive relationship. <br /><br />It's powerful and effective because it forces you to examine yourself and any biases that you might have so that you can be a support not only to the woman in an abusive relationship, but to everyone in your life. I hope that someday you'll be able to reconnect with your daughter!Brittany Smithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07628721415175363189noreply@blogger.com