Sometimes heroes are treated as villains. That's what is happening now across the continent to mothers who attempt to protect their children from violent and abusive fathers. These protective mothers are attempting to do the right thing; To make their children's safety the top priority; to teach them that intimidation, violation, and degradation are wrong; and to stand up for their own rights as loving, responsible mothers.
And they do so courageously. They are often dealing with men who have pounded them with their fists, or locked them in rooms, or raped them, or threatened to kill them. Yet these women are brave enough to take the risks involved in seeking freedom for themselves and their children.
Even those protective mothers who have not faced severe physical intimidation need courage, because courthouses are scary places, and family law judges have tremendous power that is rarely curtailed by legislatures or appeals courts. The adversarial system used in courts is the worst possible atmosphere for a traumatized woman, but it is the perfect system for an abusive man; the qualities that most succeed here are aggressiveness, skillful dishonest, and strong self-confidence (or even arrogance), along with the ability and willingness to spend huge amounts of money in order to win. It is difficult for abused woman to defeat her ex-partner in a court system that is designed (though not intentionally) to play to his strengths.
What's more, certain lawyers and court-appointed evaluators have developed theories to discredit protective mothers and their children when they report that they are being harmed by an abusive man. It has become the norm for children of battered women to be forced into extensive unsupervised contact with their battering fathers, or even to be sent into his custody.
We all need to recognize, and admire, the bravery, the survival skills, and the deep concern for her children that an abused woman has to have in order to go up against the abuser in court, month after month and year after year. These women deserve our support, admiration, advocacy, and activism to help them keep their children safe, and to change the gender-biased and sometimes corrupt legal system that is abandoning them and their kids.
Hello my name is Frankie Lefils, and I was hoping you could help me. I filed for divorce and the Ex retaliated by calling me in to cps,for doctor shopping that later came back unfounded, but not before his lawyer got him temporary custody of my child,who he couldn't bother to get up off the couch to play with,and full use of the marital home I sold my own to buy. I'm pretty sure he didn't expect for me to listen at the door,but I busted in on them, and called him on his lie.The officer Suzanne Pelo,then called A.S.P.D, and Officer Emma Oliver, responded.She assured me that Suzanne was too smart to fall for Waylon's fabrication. I came home and my 3 1/2 year old was gone. Pelo, perjured herself in the dependency hearing, denying that she knew I filed for divorce...funny the neighbors heard it just fine, as did Officer Oliver ...My lawyer who wasn't very good, had to be threatened with returning my retainer before he would file for emergency hearing.10 days before the hearing they called me in for driving while licence suspended,after stopping payment on discover card checks I paid tickets with,getting the suspension notice in the mail,then stalking me and calling me in. A.S.P.D had over 70 event reports with both their names on them. I went to the hearing in shackles,and you could guess the rest. I got out of jail, unaware what he did, and on the advice of my sister I went to our home to make peace with this monster .that ended in a fabricated domestic violence charge,which was later dropped.Theres more but I would like for you to contact me..His parents, who are very wealthy funded this madness,and were more than just a little involved with it. My 21 year old asked Waylon's mother what was wrong with my parenting skills and in front of someone who knows the truth,she can only say i didn't sort his clothes properly...my # is 4072721661... please help Im living every mothers nightmare thank you Frankie LefilsReplyDelete
I'm so sorry to hear of your pain and unnecessary suffering at the hands of your abuser and that of your child. I will be praying a lot for you. I hope you get the help you deserve and need.
I cannot imagine being in your situation with the pain and injustice you must be feeling. This creates so much anger for me on behalf of women like you who have suffered and continued to suffer much at the hands of their abusers. They always leverage teh children it seems.......master manipulators in a system that plays favorites and favorites is NOT for the abused woman.
While reading your post, I felt relieved and blessed that my abusive Ex wanted nothing to do with the children if he couldn't have me. He simply let go. I was able to raise my children with his voice and image only being echos of a long ago past. It use to just bewilder and hurt and hurt me, I actually encouraged my ex's participation in their lives, and when he did, he was so manipulative and sneaky, only to get dirt on me. That was it for me. When I confronted him on it, he disappeared........a coward..........he didn't want the children. And we have six together. My first and only marriage, the father to all of my children. They suffer and suffered as a result of his abandonment, but reading this and what you are going through, what i got was a true blessing in disguise.
You deserve peace in your life Frankie, as do your children. I will pray that he will just get tired of it and let go. Find someone else to suck the life out of to where you and your children don't matter anymore and you can be truly free. TRULY free. I hope you know I don't say that as a hurtful comment at all, but in wishing that he will go away so you can build a life for you and your child.
Thanks Kelly, the benevolent judge did the best she could, with what she had to work with. Unfortunately what she had to work with was his lies and manipulation... I think that she is beginning to unmask him herself. She granted me a retraining order,countering the one he obtained when he alleged domestic violence.(Hes 6 foot 5, 300lbs to my 5 foot 2 130lbs.).. . when i filed a motion to modify the miscarriage of justice, he called me into crimeline,alleging I was a drug dealing prostitute. at my age, i must say i was flattered.. Another divorce strategy to get me incarcerated before a domestic court hearing.(didn't work) Police watched my home for 2 months, then I allowed them to search/without a warrant... they found no evidence of his outrageous allegations. a very smart person said, : "the truth when crushed to the ground will rise again, but a lie will NEVER stand"ReplyDelete
Oh yeah, I forgot to tell ya.... His lawyers did not notify mine when they held thier emergency hearing..... I reported their skanky butts to the florida bar!!ReplyDelete
I paid roughly 8000.00 to TED GREENE who was referred to me by Dr Bone. 5 1/2 later he didnt even put an appearence in. Meanwhile the ex actually hired a lawyer to suspend my licence claiming hard ship... he makes over 7000.00 a month and i cant leave the house because i cant even look at another child without breaking into tears. he even calls prospective employers just to make sure i cant pay for a child that i havent seen in 3 years (5 years sober and formally primary caretaker)maybe my eventual death from a broken heart will mean somethingReplyDelete
oh yeah I emailed dr bone nothing but a scam... he never emailed me back. apparently he gets a kickback from the rip off artists that take advantage of heartbroken parentsReplyDelete
Amazing story. And it is all happening in the US, where there has been decades of advancement in safety policies for abused women? Why even bother having shelters and services to help women in crisis when they have to face the Family Court down the track if they ever get free?ReplyDelete
Hi..I suggest that no one post their phone number on this but rather send to Lundy or PMA directly (see the main site for contact info). Women are truly amazing to live through such hell. We need to weave our energies together from our corner of the country to trust that in time, the greater good will prevail. All women need to be warned, at least get to rainn.org and consider if they are being abused by checking sites such as duluth-model.org which has power and control wheels posters that can be printed out and posted, I think. Good luck to one and all "we're beautiful and we're worth it as are our kids!1"ReplyDelete
I'm glad I posted my phone number.... thats how the exes new wife's ex-husband contacted me and he would've never been able to contact me... he read my story saw a lot of similarities of what he's own child is going through in the House of horrors ....ReplyDelete